Stop Sign Means Stop

Him: What does the stop sign mean on the test?

Me: It means you are to stop working on the test.

Him: Are you sure?

Me: Yes I'm sure.

Him: Ok.... *continues to work after the stop sign*

(later)

Me: Why did you keep working past the stop sign?

Him: I didn't know what the stop sign meant.

ME: IT MEANS STOP.

Spring Break!...

Student: SPRING BREAK!

Other Students: YEAH!

*students run toward the outside*

Weather: Dee dee dee, watch as I pee rain and fart cold wind all over you and your vacation plans, doo doo doo

Students: *dejected looks*

highlight of the month

"After reading the Misconceptions about Evolution packet, I learned that most of what I had thought about evolution was wrong. Reading each response after every misconception helped clarify things.

One misconception I had about evolution is that it is incompatible with religion. The response helped me realize that religion and science differ greatly from one another. Science is involved only with nature which can explain natural phenomena, while religion deals with the beliefs that are beyond the natural world. At first, I didn't care to read this packet, but after reading it, it explained a lot of questions that were always left unanswered. Now, I can learn about evolution without being closed-minded."

- Student response to Misconceptions About Evolution reading

Genetics

"My sister reproduce babies every two years."

- A kid wrote this in class to practice writing with words we had read in our biology book.

My Detention

Teacher: Alright, who's going to stay after school to learn English with me?

Students (collectively): AIEE NOOO MAESTRO

Decimals

I would fucking die if I had to teach math. I realized that kids are having trouble learning metric conversions because they don't understand how to use a decimal.

Me: Let's say you have the number "1", where do you write the dot/decimal/point/*any other synonym possible*?

Him: 0.1!!

Me: No.

Her: .01?

Me: No?

Him: 0.1?

Me: You just said that. Still no.

Him: Ohhhh 1.0!

Me: Yes! So how do you write it on your paper?

Him: *Writes 0.01*

Me: Wait what? No!

*5 minutes later, 50% of the class understands how to write the decimal to show that "1" is the same as "1.0"

Me: Great, now what happens if we have 43? Where do we write the decimal? Hint, write the decimal on the RIGHT SIDE of the last number.

Them: .43? .043? 0.043? 0.43? 4.3? 1.0? 7? 34?

This is not what I meant when I said I like working with numbers.

First Week, Second Time Around

I engage a first period who fights to awaken instead of passively submits to sleep. I tutor a second period composed of 6 students. I welcome a third period that is eager to read science prompts aloud. I ease into a fourth period filled with competition for the higher grade. I eat lunch. I rest after lunch during my prep fifth period. I challenge a sixth period to learn how to read.

So this is what teaching is like.

***

Me: "Alright, which lab safety rule did you choose, Sagur?"

Him: "...on-only...use... mat... mat..."

Me: "Materials."

Him: "...mateereels... give-given... by... the... teacher."

Me: "Great, Sagur. Now, what could you draw that would show you breaking that rule?"

Him: "PLUTONIUM!"

Me: "...wait what?"